A Black Swallowtail Butterfly

All I want for Christmas...

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 12:15:02 GMT

Our first Christmas.

Our first lonely Christmas.. and forever will be.

Phone calls nor webcams can fill up the loneliness. I'll just end up crying more. I don't want my cousins to see me sad, especially on Christmas Day.

Maybe God doesn't want us to be happy together. God, I'm not saying I hate you or anything.. I just wish for happiness.

My friends abandoned me.

The maid I trusted the most betrayed me.

God, I know you are watching over me.. You saw how many times I cried when Radu wasn't around. When he's not here, I have no one to hold on to. I fight ALONE. In school, I can't even stand up for myself. No one wants to help me.

But still, why have you forsaken me? Why now, of all the times...

God, I wish upon your shining star. Grant me happiness this Christmas.. For we will be parting really soon. Because of my maid, Ate Ging.

This is my Christmas wish.

I dedicate this song to Radu.. about our situation with Ate Ging.

BROKEN WINGS
by Tomoko Tane

I know this will not remain forever
However it's beautiful
Your eyes, hands and your warm smile
They're my treasure
It's hard to forget
I wish there was a solution
Don't spend your time in confusion
I'll turn back now and spread

My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings ,how far should I go drifting in the wind
Higher and higher in the light
My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings,how far should I go drifting in the wind
Across the sky, just keep on flying

The pain that cannot be measured, the flow of time that cannot be measured
Even if that may fill up everything
I can still feel
What falls from the sky is not the rain. . .

Did I ever chain you down to my heart'
Cause I was afraid of you?
No, I couldn't hold any longer
Love is not a toyLet go of me now
The time we spent is perpetual
Our future is not real
I'll leap into the air

My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings,how far should I go drifting in the wind
Higher and higher in the light
My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings,how far should I go drifting in the wind
Across the sky, just keep on flying

What falls from the sky is not the rain. . .

Radu...

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 07:36:15 GMT

Radu just left the house. I regret not going to see him off... I really wanted to.. But this person in my house threatened that she would tell about our relationship to my mother. I decided not to see him off because of that. Because, if I go, she'll have to come along. I didn't want a bad atmosphere to surround us, let alone the pain of having to see him disappear in front of me, it'll just add up to the agony. I thought it was better for me to stay here. I just hope he'll be able to find a way to go back to his house with no problems. It's his first time to commute from my house to his.

The good side is.. He'll be back in a few days...

Gomen na, Radu. I really wanted to escort you to the bus stop.. But I was scared... Hontoni gomen na...

Flash Report! : Midge

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 12:59:34 GMT

Midge, or as I call her, my chubby Sasuke. Is currently having a hard time because of this girl who got mad because I was clinging to chubby Sasuke. I only get to meet her in school like.. once a week. While she gets to talk to chubby Sasuke 24/7.

Chubby Sasuke, I'm here for you. If you feel that no one can understand you, I will. Okay? Life isn't all that shitty. I'm here to back you up!

Yusunari Kawabata, Plasma?!, Mango Float!!, DSL!! and My past with Radu

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 11:00:56 GMT

I know. The subject is so long. Just bear with me.

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Yusunari Kawabata. Author of books such as "Thousand Cranes" and "Beauty and Sadness". I'm currently reading "Beauty and Sadness".

But that is not my point.

My point is. That this particular author.. I find him so interesting because the main characters in all his books are in an affair. Really. No joke. I found it amusing that this person emphasises affair relationships so much.

This reminded me of the past. But, I didn't cry about it anymore. I did frown a little as I read one of the books, but ended up laughing at it afterwards.

Radu, I have recovered. I told you I have put Yuuri aside already.

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I finally got my mango float. But, they took teacher's sample from MY PIECE! That made me annoyed, but still, at least I got my share of mango float!

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WARNING : TO THOSE WHO DO NOT LIKE 'GREEN' TALK. DO NOT READ THE SECTION BELOW. YAOI FANS / YURI FANS ONLY, IF POSSIBLE. I WARNED YOU.

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Alert to all yaoi / yuri fans. I now have a new vocabulary word for you guys.

Plasma. It is a yellowish sticky subtance.

Do you get the point? Oh my god. I'm so bad.

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GREEN SECTION IS DONE. YOU MAY CONTINUE READING HERE NOW.

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I FINALLY GOT MY DSL TODAY!

Well, I'm using my sister's crappy old computer that's why there is no sound card. But at least DSL works. They'll be moving this computer to my sister's room tomorrow as well as my computer will be moved to my room. So excited to get my sounds back.

Thanks, dad for fullfilling my long time due request.

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I remembered how me and Radu met last year at around late November.. and I dedicate this song to that memory. Radu, hope you read this part.

GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER
By: Gerard Kenny

I call you and you call me
It's funny how we get on so easily
We're just friends, aren't we?
You've got yours, I've got mine
And friends are all we ever can be

(But) We're getting to know each other
A little too well
We're starting to show our feelings
And people can tell
Everytime that your eyes meet mine
I light up like a neon sign
Yes, we're getting to know each other
A little too well.

We have lunch every now and then
And I find myself humming love songs again and again
Oh, and too many nights
I'm workin' till ten
And I hope that you know
That it's hopeless to go on when..

We're getting to know each other
A little too well
We're starting to show our feelings
And people can tell
Everytime that your eyes meet mine
I light up like a neon sign
Yes, we're getting to know each other
A little too well

Getting to know each other
A little too well

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That's all today. I wanna call My Chubby Sasuke..

Yesterday's Entry and... Mango Float?

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 12:19:27 GMT

I haven't heard from Radu today. Not even a text message. His other number, the one his mom uses, is on though. I sent a couple of messages to that number and still no reply. Maybe his mom brought it with her.

Just got a message. It's from his mom. It wrote : "Please message him later. I'm still using the cellphone."

I think the entry I posted yesterday had an effect why Radu suddenly wasn't his normal 'texting' self. We would RP through text messaging, cuddling and snuggling to each other. It suddenly dissappeared. Now I know that something is really wrong.

Everytime we go to bed, we normally say good night to each other before we slept. Well, Radu always sleeps late, leaving me to sleep before he does. I let him know, of course. But there was this message that bothered me so much. So much that it ruined my concentration in school today. It was something like this : "You can sleep. Go to bed now."

He doesn't normally say that. I knew there was something bothering him and I couldn't pick up what it was. I ended up asleep before the message came to the cellphone. Must be because of fatigue.

I cried a lot that night. Thinking about my ex, Takamura Yuuri. I can't seem to stop crying when I remember things about him. He's in the past, I know. I actually find it funny why I still cry over him and what we had. Even with all the trouble I went through, I never even got to see how he looked like. Not even a picture sent through my YM.

But, Radu..keeps me happy now. Happier than Yuuri did. I was able to see Radu and touch his warm, very warm hand. Radu comforted me, always. I can be very emotional at times, and he always understood why I was like that. Radu made me feel safe. Just hearing his voice through the phone makes my tensions go away.

Radu,

Thank you for mending my broken self. You taught me that, my life isn't all that worthless after all. Thank you also for telling me that.. I am a very loving and caring person, in Filipino terms, masarap magmahal. Yuuri never said that to me.. ever. That is why I am grateful that you are now the special someone in my life.

Aishiteru, boku no Radu.

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Anyway, enough serious talk.

Good thing I didn't bring my platic container today.

We were supposed to get the "Grahams Mango Float" we made the other day. But the Cooking Room was locked! HAH! And there I was, paniking here at home, thinking that my groupmates got my share of the dessert. anyway, I'm glad I still have something to munch on tomorrow. Definately, I'll get my share.

I love "Mango Float"! (and so does Xyza, my classmate!)

jealous! fume fume!

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 11:41:55 GMT

Taken from my ex-Japanese boyfriend's LJ:

"well, i've been saying a lot of "mizura mizura" a lot these days, while people don't know about that mizura thingy i was talking about. hehe

remember that girl avatar on my YM? that's her.. ^_^

mizura is a girl whom i bumped at school months ago. well not that literal bump but, we accidentally met on the gymnasium hall where she was a drama club member and i was a member of a school band. after that "fated meeting", we again met at my favorite restaurant down shinjuku.
days went on and i learned that she wasn't a pure japanese as well, since she's a half-malaysian half-filipino half-japanese. she's been staying in japan for two years (i can tell, since she always forgets a single japanese word everytime we were chit chatting) because of her studies.
she's boyish (yes, she IS that boy acted) and she got along with my friends as well. she kicks, punches and tortures us like she is the leader of the world and bullies me everytime since i'm younger than her.
i thought that she would be an ordinary friend of mine, or a big sister actually.. but i was wrong then.
i felt attractions when she suddenly visited my house and chatted with my female cousin. when i saw her smile, i knew my heart beated like crazy that time.. and then.. later on.. a deeper feeling came on.
i got so scared of telling her that she bacame a very special person to me, that everytime she was with somebody else i got so angry easily. yah, i was jealous in other words, but couldn't help it.
i confessed to her my feelings one day, and i was surprised to see her not angry with it. she also felt the same way for me.. so there.. ^_^

i can say that right now, i know that we are deeply in love.. since we are still together after two months of busy schedules and damn projects. but these things won't let my feelings stop.
i love mizura.. more than anything.

hear that right...
.. more than anything.."

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HOW COME I DIDN'T GET TO HEAR THAT FROM HIM BEFORE!?

.....

I mean, I always waited for him before. I waited for him to come back. I just wished he said that to me before.. Was I just something to add to his collection? What's so special about Mizura anyway!

.....

She's pretty.. and made Yuuri feel that way.. I don't even think that he felt that way whenever i was wasting me cellphone load just to be able to hear his voice and talk to him..

Cheska,

Remember when you said that before, when he was about to leave for Japan, that you saw his real smile...? I don't think that was the real one.. Maybe he was just amused because I clung unto him, desperate to be loved back. Maybe he found it funny, I don't know..

I have Hikaru now. But past memories bring back tears to my eyes. No matter what I do.. Gomen na, Hikaru..

I'm still alive!

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 09:09:05 GMT

I want to say a big THANK YOU to my beloved Koi. If it wasn't for him, my layout wouldn't look so pink! *chuu*

I feel relieved.

I noticed that I kept on writing about me and Danah's fight in my reflections and portfolios recently.. and it feels great! No no, I'm not being mean or anything. But it feels good writing all your negative emotions into paper and letting my teacher read it. Since Danah doesn't want to listen to what I told her about TIGAS, at least teacher does. I just hope Dada will be able to catch Danah if ever something bad happens to her with TIGAS. As Mishi said, I did my part, so I have got nothing to do with it anymore. I decided to stay away from her group forever. I'm tired of this shit. Me always being the reason why bad stuff happens. Tch, don't worry, I'm out.

I had a heart to heart talk with Dada. It really amazed me how we talked to each other through YM. We haven't talked that way in school. Probably because Danah was there. It was much fun talking with Dada, and only her. We were free to talk about anything under the sun. That doesn't happen when we are with Danah. Thanks Dada for the chat. Really appreciated it. You're a real friend.

One question though remains unanswered.

Danah,

"Is it bad for someone to worry about a friend?"

Answer that.

Cosplay Plans:
December 9, 2006 : Ion Fortuna (Trinity Blood)
January 2007 : Cagalli Yula Attha (Gundam Seed Destiny) - tentative date

Bringing On a Heartbreak...

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 07:31:32 GMT

yesterday , i went to UST to cosplay and IT WAS MISHI'S BIRTHDAY !! we gave her a gigantic kumagoro and guess who i cosplayed , FUJIMIYA AYA !! oh well , the original plan was to do Naoe Nagi . but i wanted to do Weiss for a change XP . Mishi went as Tsukiyono Omi as Danah and Danica went as themselves !!

Last night was full of drama , Ken got mad because Yuki kept on talking about Hiro . Knowing that Yuki is VERY special to Ken , i started to worry since Ken was always drifting off somewhere . Worried to the point that i was already crying . Imagine , Fujimiya Aya crying ! w00t~ XD sillyness aside , i was really worried . Scared as well . I didn't know what to do to help Ken . Ken reminded me of Sasuke-kun as well.. When Ken and I were walking around , Ken felt dizzy and i had to stay alert because Ken seemed he could just collapse at any minute . there was this time we were going back , Ken faked that he collapsed and i was terrified to death . i told Ken not to do that anymore because Sasuke-kun is like that . He would not feel well when he is over-stressed and would just collapse .

But it wasn't dramatic the whole day . We went out of the UST campus to fetch someone . for once , i felt secure . holding ken's hand and all . i felt that someone loved me , like how i used to feel before.. when Sasuke-kun continuesly said he does love me . for once , i felt i wasn't alone . i felt that someone loves me like how Sasuke-kun does or did.. But it was shattered when Ken started to feel bad about Yuki .

All throughout last night , when i joined the Prince of Tennis group to fangirl on the vocalist group 'Trance'.. i needed someone to be with me . Sasuke-kun , Oreo , or just Ken . But Ken was with Yuki , Oreo was with his friends and Sasuke-kun is in Japan.. Once again , i felt alone . i felt more alone when the PoT group went home.. i found myself walking to nowhere in particular , going back and forth to where Yuki and company were . I felt like i didn't belong anywhere..

That night , i couldn't sleep well , Ken was bothering me.. in my head.. if it's possible , i would sleep over at Ken's house just to be able to chek if he was ok .

To be honest , Ken reminds me of Sasuke-kun.. i don't know why.. but they seem the same.. so all those holding hands , sharing of food and drinks.. i felt really happy.. it was like , feeling that Sasuke-kun was right there with me.. holding my hand.. being beside me.. it felt warm . It's not because of the clothers i wore , if you are thinking that .

I still feel bad about what happened to Ken . I just hope he's doing ok .

"furueru yubi de yume o kasaneru iki mo dekizu ni kuzureteku" (With a trembling finger, I gather up the dreams; without even breathing on them, they're crumbling.)

Skater Boy..

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 14:19:04 GMT

IN SCHOOL :

i got caught using my cellphone in school TWICE . at first , it was Ms. Estrella.. my heart went 'tha dump' . second , it was Ms. Arceo.. my heart went 'THA DUMP THA DUMP' this is actually the first time i get into trouble . i'm scared and all.. and trying to forget about it XP oh well..

BACK TO THE MAIN TOPIC

when i was waiting for my sister to finish her tutoring , i saw this guy trying a new skateboard move . to be honest , he really sucked at it . but that's not what i'm looking at.. i was in the car , listening and singing to the music when i saw this skater dude , repeating that same move over and over , all failures i must say.. but still , even if he was falling down over and over , he still continued .

He kind of reminded of me.. of how i was dealing with Sasuke-kun's Shizume problem.. knowing that they had.. *tooooooooot* and kissed.. i still accepted the fact that they are about to get engaged.. it's normal , ne ? even if i felt crushed at that time.. i still had faith in Sasuke-kun , myah~

hmm.. people are getting sick of this Sasuke-kun . ok , i'll stop here XD ja matta na !!

"kimi ni todokeru hazu no kotoba wa IT'S TALK TO MYSELF kage mo naku hibi ni ochiru" (The words that I have to give to you are.. it's talk to myself.. falling into an everyday routine, even without shadows.)

Your MIND Is A WONDERland..

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 11:06:10 GMT

this is strange , Sasuke-kun and i are still together .

after all he said and done , our relationship is saved .

weird ? i think so too .

there's a new problem though.. HIS FATHER KNOWS ABOUT US .

that's why Cheska wasn't able to meet up with me , it's because his father got suspicious . they didn't even take a step on the 3rd floor . i kept texting the cellphone Cheska was handling (since she left hers with Sasuke-kun) , but instead , it was the Biatch father who was holding it . Which means , all the texts , he read it all . i even heard his voice . when i called the cellphone , there was someone who said "hello" in a japanese accent , and the voice was mad .

Tch.. he ruined everything ! i was supposed to ask Cheska to give Sasuke-kun a letter and a bracelet.. I even cooked Tonkatsu for her to taste it.. and tell me if Sasuke-kun would like it if ever i'll be able to meet Sasuke-kun face to face.. but , that's never gonna happen now , ne ? n.n

"nagasareru fuan dake o tsugeru yasashisa mo eien ni mitasareta ashita mo hoshikunai" (Even if the gentleness that tells about only what makes anxiety flow had fulfilled eternity, I still don't want tomorrow.)

Liquid Dreams

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 02:40:00 GMT

OMGWTFBBQ ?!?!?! I HAVEN'T UPDATED FOR LIKE.. A LOOOOOONG TIME !! Too much things to say..

Sasuke-kun and i are.. no longer.. it seems that he and shizume.. had 'lemon' a a few days ago.. and Sasuke's best friend , Juki aka Naruto , said that Sasuke was just playing with me and that he loved Shizume more than me..

it all started when Naruto said that he hates Prince of Tennis (because in Japan Prince of Tennis is shown first before Naruto) and for some reason he started belittleing me and stuff like that.. it made me cry.. saying everything that had happened between Sasuke-kun and Shizume.. it made my heart boil in mixed anger , fear and weakness..

last night i happened to pass by a restaurant named Shinjuku and i was like : OH MAH GAWD !! that's where.. Sasuke-kun lives.. this proves that i couldn't get it over my head.. him accepting Shizume as part of his life..

i feel kind of stupid now.. everything we had.. was a joke..? as Naruto said , Sasuke-kun just toyed with me.. AND I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT !! he wouldn't do that.. i know he wouldn't.. and i still do have faith in him.. he told me to wait for him even after the engagement.. and i promised i would.. SO I WILL !!

i don't really care what other people say.. that he's not worth my time.. BUT HE IS !! i waited.. and waited.. for him to even notice me.. i even tried to help him.. even though i sucked at giving advice.. i don't care if i was called a NEWBIE in this kinds of things.. i know i am.. according to juki , i'm stupid and weak.. and i admit that.. i AM stupid and weak.. there's no doubt about it..

all i could do is text.. there's no wonder why he would prefer Shixume.. she can cook , i can't . she's always beside him and ready to help in whatever problem he has.. while i.. i'm far away from him and the only thing i use to be able to communicate with him.. is a cellphone.. what kind of a loser am i..?

all my plans for tomorrow is shattered.. i already bought the ingredients to make Tonkatsu (Sasuke-kun's favorite dish).. just to find out he'll be leaving tomorrow.. i was supposed to give him a bracelet and a letter.. now , i won't be able to.. the hardwork i put into the bracelet.. and the time i put on making the letter as perfect as i could..

-sigh- i guess.. i was never meant to see him.. even how much i wanted to.. i could never see the man i love with all my heart.. who just recently broke-up with me.. i just hope that he is happy with his fiancee.. and they may live a happy life together.. because , i couldn't.. what i did wasn't enough to make our relationship stand strong.. i was too weak and dumb for it.. like what Sasuke-kun said.. I'M A NEWBIE .

it hurt me , but it IS true.. and there's nothing i can do about it.. he has more experience than i do.. i'm new to this stuff.. so it is hard for me to deal with this kind of things.. when he was still with Yuki.. i gave him stupid advices.. i didn't know what to do.. all i could do was stay with him.. and give him company.. even though i couldn't do anything..

i tried talking to Yuki.. but , i think , it didn't work.. i'm stupid.. even if my brain capacity isn't that wide.. i still tried to understand the situation he was in.. but i wasn't smart enough.. i couldn't even go to Laguna to see him !! tch..

one thing didn't change though.. i still love him for the way he is.. even after everything he said.. for some reason , i still do.. i don't know how or why.. i just do..

Sasuke-kun.. I'm still waiting.. waiting for you..

"negai kazoe mezameta toki ni yureru maboroshi ni kimi ga utsuru boku o michibiku kasuka na SHIRUETTO" (When I woke up from the countless wishes , you are reflected in a shimmering illusion - the silhouette whose faint smile leads me along..)

Mada Mada Da Ne.. (still not enough)

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 11:42:41 GMT

-sigh- correction !! SASUKE-KUN'S STEP-MOM WAS THE ONE WHO IS ACTING ALL BITCHY !

for once , it wasn't the fiancee nor the dad . it was his dad's girlfriend . feeling all 'i am his mother now' scolding him and all.. which is annoying.. >.> GRARR !!

anyway.. SASUKE-KUN HAS LJ !! yuuri_shuichi !! -clings to Sasuke- X3 mew !! -smooches- XD

oh well.. i'm gonna watch GRAVITATION OVA later.. i have to do this first duh ! XD hmm.. nothing much happened today.. so i guess i'll end it here.. n.n

5 MORE DAYS TO GO !! XD -excited-

WUVS YOU SASUKE-KUN !! -chuuuuuu- X3

"tsumetai toki ga yume o furaseru kono te no naka o surinukete" (The cold times make dreams fall like rain and slip through my hands.)

Reloaded

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 12:17:38 GMT

hmm.. forgot to mention something !!

i cosplayed as Syuusuke Fuji yesterday !! Ryoma was my uke -snickers- and i was Sakuno's Ryoma in the beginning of the gathering -proudness- X3

and after the gathering , the whole family ate at OMAKASE in libis . people were like , "seigaku..? sounds familiar..." XD hmm.. interesting.. i found out that there was a type of sushi dish called "RISING SUN" i was like xaving my hands about saying "Rising Sun" that made the waitress laugh , i bet i looked freakishly stupid XD what can i say , everyone loves Fuji XP

ok , now for more recent events , shizume's being a bother once again.. well , she always was a bother anyway . shizume is going over-board.. about personal stuff and all.. sheesh..

6 MORE DAYS TO GO TIL I MEET MY SASUKE-KUN ! there's a catch though.. there is a 99.9 % chance his dad and fiancee will be there.. >.>;; bitches.. and i'm sure shizume will be clinging unto MY sasuke-kun like velcro.. hell , i should 'control my passion' and make this day fun for the birthday girl , cheska . X3 she's turning.. 13..? or 14.. XD oh well , i don't know what to wear dammit !! anyway , i have my Daddeh Tsuzuki with me for emotional support.. wait , or rather.. i have to restrain my daddeh from keeling the biatch fiancee.. XD oh well , as much as i want to keel her as well , i can't n.n -pats daddeh tsuzuki- X3 shinigamis that support each other , stay together !! X3 -smootches daddeh- O.O;; Mommeh Hisoka will keel mee !! AAAAAHHHHH !! -hides behind daddeh- ;_____;

XDDDDD oh well , darn , monday.. >.>;; oh well !! see you guys !!

"mayoi aruku machi no kagayaki wa GLARING ONE WAY kogoesou na boku o terasu" (The blazing of the street where I walk about lost ..glaring one way.. illuminates me as coldly as though it freezes.)

Heaven Knows...!

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 12:48:51 GMT

first things first...

.........

I AM MEETING MY SASUKE-KUN THIS FEBUARY 5 !! AAAAAHHHHH !! it's cheska's birthday you see.. and i'm going to festival mall in alagang to celebrate her birthday.. haha !! i'm so excited !!

i don't care anymore if people call me a tomboy , i'm too happy as it is !! i just hope that Shizume isn't there.. but most likely.. Sasuke-kun's dad will be there.. i'm scared.. he's scary.. oh well , dun really care.. as long i see MY sasuke-kun !! XD

SHIMATTA !! i have to think of what to give Cheska !! sorry if i haven't been posting again !! was too busy !! and this entry will just be short !! XD see yah !!

"nigiyaka na hitogomi ni tokeru tsubuyaki ga ashimoto ni chirabatta omoide nijimaseru" (The whisper that dissolves into the bustling crowd makes the memories scattered underfoot blur together.)

Rumors..

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 12:11:00 GMT

let me put this in sequence .

first , my toe nail broke and made my toe bleed . We were dancing Swing , don't ask , it was required in our PE class . NicNg and i are partners.. i am the girl while she is the boy . At first , i was the one who stepped on her foot . Since i was wearing heels , yes , it was required for the girls to wear heels , so it must've hurt.. as we continued to dance the thinger , NicNg accidentaly kicked me.. at first i didn't mind it but when the dance was over.. i checked my toe.. it had some red stuff on it so i poked my toe.. but instead.. blood spewed out from it and it suddenly hurt.. i was like a crazy lunatic , clinging to the post and laughing instead of crying in pain . on the way to the clinic , i was all like 'NIG NG !!! -laughs all maniacly stupid-' O.O it really did hurt.. especially when the nurse had to clean the wound and put Betadine.. >.< gosh.. i couldn't walk properly..

Next , i asked Cheska about Sasuke-kun.. and this is what i got.. he looks like Hero Angheles.. only whiter and his eyes a little more chinky.. his hairstyle is slightly longer on the left side.. i guess he styled his hair that way.. CUTE !! anyway , he's slim.. and he is multi-talented as well . He can sing , dance , play chess , play the piano very well . Amazing isn't it ?

now for the biatch fiancee . she looks like haert evangelista , kind , they say , and pretty . tch..

ok , in AP class , Ms. Estepa was talking about female genitalia whatevers , i dun wanna know . anyway , i was just patting Hisoka's head and the teacher looked at me all suprised and said 'Carissa , why are you caressing Mishi ?!' WTF . caressing ? i was simply patting her head . green-minded teacher . well.. people started to think that i am a tomboy now.. they'll be spreading rumors about it now.. and then Ms. Hechanova had to make it worse . she called our attention when Mishi was just asking questions about the lesson !! TinTin then asked Danah if i was a tomboy.. it was annoying.. all the 'populer people' in our class started to talk about me and Hisoka.. what's wrong with patting a friend ? tch.. it all started with the genitalia shit.. i really don't know what to do now..

I AM NOT A TOMBOY !

"hito no omoi ga kiete kono hoshi ga iwa ni naranai youni kono yasashii uta de iyasareru youni" (People's emotions vanish.. but the stars don't become like stones in this gentle song.. It is as if they are healed)

Kimi no Soba ni itai yo... (I want to be with you...)

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 14:13:59 GMT

First off , my mom was really scary . My sister lost her cellphone in our neighbor's house.. and wow can my mom shout . i was seated at the front seat and her voice was like.. her mouth was directly at my ear but it wasn't . i was like.. 'what the fuck.. her voice volume is like Yuuki Hiro's.. when speaking , very soft . but when shouting / crying oh so loud...'

Sasuke-kun just sent me his last text message a few minutes ago.. he won't be coming back.. not until after the engagement between him and Shizume.. He won't be able to go online that often either.. this thing keeps getting worse as time passes.. i wonder why..

Why do i always get jealous when i see couples snuggling to each other ?

Why am i sulking simple matters such as this ?

Why am i crying ?

Why am i typing all these down in my LJ when people don't seem to care much about this ?

Why am i alive ?

Why am i clinging to him even when he has a fiancee ?

Why am i so hard-headed ?

Why am i a bitch ?

Why am i a fag ?

Why am i a fucktard ?

Why do i miss him that much ?

One sentence... I AM A FOOL .

"mune wo fusaida iwa wo kudaitara akai akai tsubomi ga sora ni saku no deshou hitotsu dake" (If the stone that blocks up my heart breaks.. a red , red bud ought to bloom towards the sky.. just one..)

Sleepless Beauty

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 08:02:33 GMT

ok , i apoligize for not updating in days.. i was to busy dramatizing about my life .

Shizume ang Sasuke-kun's dad know already about me and Sasuke-kun , hence , Sasuke-kun and his 'wife' will have to go back to Japan tomorrow 3 am . i just hope that his dad won't give him a big punishment . we both don't know what will happen to the both of us.. but we do love each other.. that's what's important right..?

also , i went to Xavier's Sophomore Night last night . It would have been fun if.. there weren't so many couple's around.. yes yes i know , you should bring a date to Soph night or it wouldn't be a Soph night . -sigh- i just get jealous at them because i don't have Sasuke-kun by my side.. i'm not saying that my set-up date was a loser.. in fact , he is a good listener.. i told him about sasuke-kun.. he didn't move away or anything , but he listened . Even though he couldn't give me advice.. i am still thankfull n.n

by the end of the Soph night , me and my date were looking at some grade 1 kids' works ,which i found awfully cute.. wishing for the cutest stuff to saint Francis Xavier.. anyway , as me and my date were laughing about it.. i happened to see this guy.. DATELESS and sat on a wooden bench like the one in the Dining room in school looking all lonely.. i tapped my date and pointed to the guy saying : hey look at the guy . well , my date knows him and approuched him and asked what was happening.. the dude said : why does life have to be this way ? . after that me and my date walked around again . He told me what the dude said and i was so affected.. the moment i saw him sit on that bench.. i knew something was wrong.. i just didn't have the guts to talk to the guy.. until now , i'm still affected by it.. too bad we didn't see him anymore when i left Xavier..

sorry for not updating that often !! promise !! i will try to update everyday !!

"kitto itsuka bara no hana" (Surely.. one day.. a rose..)

Loving You.. Such A Hard Thing To Do..

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 11:17:31 GMT

hn.. i was invited for Xavier's sophomore night . well , my high 4 friend , Doreen , set me up with the dude . To be honest , he wasn't really my type , but friendable.. at least he is an anime fan.. n.n

next.. SHIZUME KISSED SASUKE-KUN .

..........

i don't know if he kissed her back.. but i'm starting to feel that Sasuke-kun is going farther and farther away from me.. day by day.. i feel that we won't last long.. Shizume is winning.. when i'm way far behind.. i feel so pathetic now.. when i'm here , trying my best to set aside this feeling of being just a replacement for Yuki.. we talked about Yuki last night.. and i realized that.. Sasuke-kun loved Yuki more than anyone else.. it really hurts , but i have to admit that.. i just had to.. he reminds me of myself.. i don't want to lose to that fiancee bitch.. but what can i do..? i am here in Metro Manila while Sasuke-kun is in Laguna.. there's little hope left.. still , i am clinging unto him.. having faith in him.. but if he doesn't want this anymore.. i'm willing to let go..

if it is for his happines.. i would .

"aa sotto nemutta aa sotto nemutta ano hito dake ga boku no boku no monogatari deshita" (Ah, I slept quietly.. Ah, I slept quietly.. That person alone was my... my story..)

The Wind That Blows The Dove.. Is The Wind That Blows My Love..

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 13:19:35 GMT

Sasuke-kun arrived here in the Philippines around early in the morning.. he was all pale and in a wheel chair.. he would just stare blankly and he doesn't seem himself.. as what Cheska said..

what's worse is that.. HIS FIANCEE ARRIVED THIS AFTERNOON .

Bitch.. that wrech came to what ? Take advantage the Sasuke-kun is weak and go all snuggly with him ? Hugging and clinging to him all the time.. IT MAKES ME SICK . Yes , i admit.. i am jealous.. in times like this.. i couldn't be by Sasuke-kun's side.. i couldn't comfort him.. i couldn't do anything to help him.. all i can do is text through Cheska's cellphone.. i feel so useless.. i couldn't do anything in cooking class since i'm allergic to shrimp.. one sniff and i go dizzy.. and now this ? because of that FAG i couldn't study for my chinese test properly !! i have top cram it tomorrow.. my head is full of rage.. i might tear the chinese book apart if i continued.. mind you , i almost did .

though.. Sasuke-kun's fiancee seems perfect.. long hair.. long legs.. tall.. slim.. pretty.. while i am the total opposite.. i'm short.. i have short hair.. i'm fat.. and so on.. no wonder she was chosen to be his fiancee.. A PERFECT COUPLE i guess.. i envy her.. being engaged to a guy like Sasuke-kun.. she even gets to hug him and all.. while i won't be able to see him face-to-face.. he can't go back to metro manila because of the polution here.. he has heart problems.. so he has to saty at breezy areas.. like.. LAGUNA.. but i really do want to see him.. until now i wait for the picture he promised he would give me..

set aside the picture.. i just want him to stay safe.. and be happy.. but i start to think to myself.. what am i doing..? am i doing anything to make him smile..? am i helping at all..?

my answer.. I AM NOTHING.. I AM DOING NOTHING.. I AM USELESS..

"jounetsu no hana saiteiru no tooku hanarete" (A flower of passion is blooming... far , far away from me..)

The Letter.. Finally Arrived..

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 13:03:27 GMT

(i am Carissa and Sasuke-kun is.. sasuke..)

uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:37:41 PM): sakura-chan....
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:37:53 PM): ..... -clings-
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:38:37 PM): gomen na...
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:38:47 PM): what happened to you..
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:39:08 PM): it's nothing...
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:39:15 PM): tell me..
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:39:24 PM): i've been worried sick..
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:39:39 PM): i couldn't sleep..
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:40:05 PM): i just fell down that's all
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:40:11 PM): er, collapse
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:40:27 PM): well, i am fine now
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:40:36 PM): having difficulties on typing though
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:40:45 PM): where are you ? at home ?
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:41:23 PM): yah
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:41:30 PM): i see..
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:41:38 PM): no really.. what happened ?
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:41:55 PM): what happened that caused you to collapse..?
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:43:06 PM): they said that i just pushed myself over..
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:43:13 PM): over fatigue they say
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:43:22 PM): i don't know
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:43:39 PM): you said you have work right..?
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:44:10 PM): it's just about the magazine thingy
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:44:41 PM): hmm.. over-fatigue..? what have you been doing lately..?
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:45:27 PM): i stayed up so late then go home at 3 in the m orning then i would go to schoo l at 7
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:45:45 PM): stayed up late..? homework..?
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:45:53 PM): why so late..?
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:46:29 PM): a part of it. if i would not go to work any more, i wouldn't stay up that late . .
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:47:14 PM): i see.. why work.. i mean.. you still have to study..
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:48:19 PM): remember? i am dad's heir to his business so i'm taking a part of it now
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:48:33 PM): i know it's too early for me but i have no choice
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:48:51 PM): i see..
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:49:10 PM): but.. your dad must understand that you are having a hard time..
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:49:19 PM): and you tire out easily..
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:49:31 PM): he should give you easier work..
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:50:01 PM): it's okay..
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:50:19 PM): he is doing it for me anyway so it'ds okay
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:50:42 PM): you already collapsed just doing what it is you are doing..
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:50:53 PM): he should do something about it already..
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:51:24 PM): he already did
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:51:31 PM): he already made a break for me
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:51:57 PM): then my work will be every weekends only beginningg next week
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:52:25 PM): -sighs- ...but do you have time to you know.. go out and stuff..?
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:53:14 PM): ah.. enjoying myself for sometime? i used to.. not anymore recently
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:53:27 PM): because of work..?
uchiha sasuke (1/16/2006 8:53:34 PM): brb
Carissa Uy (1/16/2006 8:53:40 PM): alright..

well , yahell acted up on me just at the right moment.. when Sasuke-kun went back online.. yahell disconnected me and when i tried to log in back , it didn't let me !! tch.. well.. i sent Sasuke-kun an e-mail about the problem i had.. hopefully he would understand.. n.n -sigh- just glad that he is ok.. well , partially hurt but still.. he's safe back at home.. i'm so relieved.. but i still hate his Dad , and i'll never forgive what his Dad has done to Sasuke-kun..

"dokomademo shinjitsudzuketai" (No matter what , I want to continue to believe..)

I Wait.. for the Postman.. to Give Me a Letter...

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 11:33:18 GMT

-sigh- ..... still no news..

i've waited last night.. this morning.. this afternoon.. in my tutor.. i waited for Cheska's text to arrive.. i don't know how Sasuke-kun is right now.. but i really want to know.. i miss him so much already.. my life is goind down the drain once again.. i wonder what is taking the text so long.. Cheska wouldn't even text me back a simple 'hello'.. maybe something really terrible has happened to Sasuke-kun.. i just hope not.. please God no.. please make him alright.. i don;t want him to suffer anymore.. his heart sickness.. his hatred against his dad.. motherless..

to the people reading this post.. please pray for him.. i'm begging you guys.. if you want me to go and kneel down before you guys.. i would do it.. i'd even bow if you wanted me to.. i'm not being OE.. whatever , if you think i am then go ahead and think that way ! i just don't know what to do.. if i had the money i would fly to Japan right now.. but i don't.. and Sasuke-kun said i should prioritize school.. so , i can't leave.. i have to study.. so please.. dedicate a little prayer for him.. i would really appreciate it..

..........

"orokana hanashi kanashii ne" (It's a foolish story.. Sad , isn't it ?)

Confessions of a Broken Heart..

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 10:31:19 GMT

Takamura Toya.. my Sasuke-kun's dad..

i would just like to say.. I HATE HIM . he always NEEDS to argue with Sasuke-kun.. Sasuke-kun's his son dammit ! doesn't he know how to understand his own son ?! wtf . what kind of a father would force his son to be engaged to someone his son doesn't really know !? no , don't think that i'm saying this because i want Sasuke-kun to myself , it's just that he has to consider Sasuke-kun's feelings.. if Sasuke-kun is fine with the engagement.. then.. i wouldn't min letting him go.. really i wouldn't.. though , i don't want to lose Sasuke-kun.. i waited for 9 months for him to notice me.. and this girl will just pop-out out of nowhere and say : 'hey , he's my fiance' the hell ! she didn't do anything.. but me ? i tried the best i could to make Sasuke-kun happy.. even helping him when he was still with Yuki.. i tried to bring them together since i thought.. Sasuke-kun would be happier with him.. and now my waiting payed off but this happens.. what the hell does fate want with me..?

and now.. Sasuke-kun collapsed maybe because of over-fatigue.. all i know is that he is working.. i just dunno which job.. i'm really worried now.. what has he been doing..? i haven't talked to him in two days.. yes , it may seem just a short time but still.. i miss him.. A LOT . over-reacting ? maybe , up to you to think that way.. i just hope my prayers reach Sasuke-kun.. that i am always by his side.. i don't want him to be wound up in the hospital again like last time.. i won't be able to talk to him then..

stay safe.. Sasuke-kun..

"dokoka de kiita dareka ni kiita" (I heard it somewhere , I heard it from someone..)

Glory Days

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 07:49:41 GMT

hmm.. gomen minna !! i haven't updated for a long time !! oh , and have you noticed ? i changed my layout !! XD SasuSaku ~ !! ahem.. well , as you know , i'm Sakura and 'someone' is my Sasuke XP >.> hmm.. quite obvious , really.. unless if you are really slow.. =.=;; JAWK !! XDD

ahem.. i was crying in school yesterday because i didn't get mjy report card.. which means i have a failing grade (dunno how many and dunno which subject/s) and my parents have to get it at the 18th.. this sucks.. i gave my all this 3rd quarter.. maybe because a lot of cosplay conventions were held at this part of 2005.. XDD oh well , at least i had my fun.. XD

hmm.. now for the 4th quarter.. well , there is still a lot of cosplay coming up.. like on PUP (Febuary 11) and on UST (Febuary 18) . wow , two saturdays.. one after another.. what else.. ah !! i have a pictorial in Intramuros !! i'll be going as Sousei Seki of ROZEN MAIDEN !! hmm.. my character is a girl but looks like a boy.. oh joy , cross-dressing again XD i have a big pair of scissors too !! hmm.. i can cut my enemies into pieces !! haha , jawk.. XD -sigh- and that will be happening in the 3rd week of Febuary.. gosh !! Febuary will be a busy busy month !! gosh !! XD i just hope my mom will allow me to go.. XD

oh , and thanks to my bestest bestest friend/kaichou (kuri_ree) i got the mp3s i requested !! finally !! XD i love Takahashi Naozumi's voice !! <3 haha !! still can't pick from Nao and Yuuki Hiro though.. @_@

hmm.. what else.. oh yeah !! Sasuke-kun got mad at his cousin because she told me about the fiancee thing.. o.o XD they are at war right now thouhg.. u.u -sigh- i hope they make-up soon..

hmm.. oh yeah !! we changed seats already !! hmm.. and the person at my back is the person i was with last UP AME , the Omi . XD oh yeah , we'll have a come back at either Feb 11 or Feb 18 XD w00t !! watch out for us !! we'll be doing a yaoi skit !! no smut please.. n.n;; we can't be that extreme.. XD you bad bad people.. XD

hmm.. that's all for now , and i'm really sorry i haven't been posting eveyday.. XD i'll try to do an entry a day , okee ? XD that's my goal !! so that you guys get updated with my daily life XD

bye bye for now !!

"dakara ai wa taete umarete konai to" (For that reason , love dies out and is not born again..)

Break Through

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 11:46:18 GMT

Here's what happened last night.. Cheska asked Shuu to go online.. and he did . here is what we talked about in the IM : (i'm Ryu-chan and Shuu is.. shuu XD)

shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:41:06 PM): nanda yo
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:41:12 PM): hanashite kure
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:41:26 PM): cheska.. told you right..
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:41:52 PM): disappointing...
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:41:55 PM): really
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:42:03 PM): i'm just about to sleep
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:42:12 PM): talking about crap times
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:42:20 PM): i'm sorry..
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:42:43 PM): gomen na nanda?
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:43:14 PM): you feel bad and all that.. disturbing you when you are about to sleep..
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:43:52 PM): darou ga
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:44:14 PM): i just want to know what you want to happen.. since.. i know about the fiancee thing..
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:44:58 PM): kudaranai na mono
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:45:03 PM): is that all
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:45:15 PM): then....
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:45:55 PM): well.. i just want to say that.. i still want to stay with you.. even if you do have a fiancee..
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:46:10 PM): but it might ruin your life and such..
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:46:16 PM): i don't want that to happen..
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:47:12 PM): how would it ruin my life?
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:47:39 PM): .....
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:48:06 PM): how would YOU ruin it? i don't even know this fiancee-to-be and I DON'T WANT TO
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:48:18 PM): but.. your dad..
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:49:29 PM): i want to help you.. i really do..
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:49:46 PM): but i don't know what i can do to help you..
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:50:13 PM): how many times did i ever approve my dad's decisions for me? before, i loved being dead rather than listening to "HIM"
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:50:34 PM): but he might do something bad to you..
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:51:13 PM): if ever i have to sacrifice things just to be with that someone i treat special, no one, even the god himself, can stop me from doing it!!!!
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:51:43 PM): .....
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:51:44 PM): what if he does something to me? bad? heh.. impossible
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:52:14 PM): he even cried begging me to have surgeries then he would do something bad?
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:52:46 PM): -hugs- i was just scared..
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:53:22 PM): -sighs-
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:53:47 PM): i was scared that i would lose you to some other person..
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:54:10 PM): don't mind the other person.. mind me more
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:54:35 PM): what do you want to happen..? i'll do everything i can..
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:55:28 PM): i'll do anything..
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:56:33 PM): i can't lose a relationship with a special someone lasting for only a day.. we haven't gone 24 hours =.=
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:56:51 PM): -laughs- n.n
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:57:02 PM): -sighs-
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:57:25 PM): but it depends to you if you don't want to anymore..
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:57:35 PM): no , i want to..
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:57:55 PM): as long as.. you are against the fiancee thing..
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:58:37 PM): -clings- stay with me..? ;_;
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 8:59:03 PM): sure i will!!! >.<
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:59:24 PM): yaay.. n.n
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:59:34 PM): -hugs-
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:59:55 PM): uhn
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 8:59:58 PM): *uhm
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:00:04 PM): if you want to sleep..
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:00:08 PM): what are the other things cheska told you?
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:00:14 PM): you can.. sleep now..
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:00:18 PM): n.n
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:00:20 PM): and i won't sleep for a while
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:00:29 PM): ok.. n.n
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:00:51 PM): cheska told me about the ex girlfriend you had.. who was also cheska's friend..
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:01:41 PM): uh, that girl? only a piece of shit. what else?
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:02:04 PM): -blinks-
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:02:09 PM): she told you more, didn't she?
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:02:56 PM): well.. she said that.. you were just sorta.. 'faing' your feeling for that girl..
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:03:16 PM): ahe also said that.. you smiled differently today..
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:03:56 PM): she said you had a nice smile on your face when you texted me..
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:04:06 PM): unlie the time you were with your ex..
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:04:10 PM): *unlike
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:05:12 PM): of course, you told me i love you so i smiled. i even have to bite my lip to hold it and not to be too obviously in love
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:05:29 PM): -hugs and nuzzles- kawaii !!
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:05:46 PM): O.O
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:06:25 PM): n.n
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:07:05 PM): me wervs meh sasuke-kun !! X3
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:07:44 PM): ^-^
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:07:51 PM): alien language... >.>
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:07:56 PM): worry XD
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:07:59 PM): *sorry
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:08:02 PM): wow typo
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:08:41 PM): shizume is just a big sister for me
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:09:07 PM): i bet she's pretty >.<
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:09:35 PM): besides, i don't want to hang around with a 20-year-old witch who only loves shopping as a hobby. she's boring
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:09:43 PM): she is.. o.o;;
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:09:52 PM): -sigh- n.n;;
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:10:14 PM): she only has one potential that i like....
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:10:27 PM): -blinks- what ?
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:10:39 PM): her long hair, that's all
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:10:51 PM): i dun have long hair >.> XD
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:10:53 PM): o.o;;
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:11:00 PM): it's okay
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:11:04 PM): XD
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:11:16 PM): i won't mind the hair as long as my feelings are concerned...
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:11:32 PM): aww.. that's so sweet.. n.n
shuu_chan_loves_yuki (1/9/2006 9:11:54 PM): no it's not
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:12:02 PM): it's not ? o.o IT IS !! >.<
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:12:23 PM): if ever i suddenly log out , it means my load is up.. XD
Ryu-chan (1/9/2006 9:13:29 PM): -snuggles-

ISN'T HE THE SWEETEST AND CUTEST THING ?!!?! <3 aww.. n.n

"tsurai omoi ga samete munefusagu iwa ni natta no da yo to" (The heartbreaking feelings subside ss the thing that fills up my heart became a stone..)

...Leaving on a Jet Plane

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 11:48:34 GMT

. . . . .

WARNING : THE FOLLOWING ENTRY CONTAINS SAPPYNESS AND LUVY DUVY . SCARED ? THEN DON'T READ .

texts from last night : (my added comments)

"what if i (Takamura Yuuri aka Shuu in japan) call you ? will that be ok ?"

"why do loads here ends easily ? and the signal sucks ? i'm getting insane ! i'm not yet sleepy . oh , by the way , dad and i are going home (to japan) tomorrow ."

(i asked him if he thought of me as more than a sister . and asked him if he wanted us to remain the same . he said : yes before .) "the challenge is this.. you already know how bad i am in relationships (i think.. 13 ex-girlfriends and 1 ex-boyfriend) . and i don't want to hurt someone so special to me . kigashitakunai yo..

"if she whines , i easily ends the relationship . i don't want to hurt you.. so let's just leave everything as is . it's better this way.."

"but still-- kizu shitakunai.. what we are right now is enough.. for me ? how about you ? you still want to try it out (i waited for 9 months for this.. how could i say no ?) ?"

"so , what if i'm courting you right now ? i sang you naruto songs as a serenade (yeah , he did when he called my cell).. would you be my.. hmm.. =.= hazukashii na.."

"hazukashii da kedo.. my.. girlfriend ? NOT online , i must say.. -blushes- kokoro no naka kara kimi wa daisuki da.. honto ni.. -faints-"

(i answered him like this : -catches- uhm.. yes..? n.n) "yes.. with a question mark ?! O.O you sound unsure.. -sulks-"

(then i replied : hmm.. okay then.. YES ! -clings unto-) "-faints- yatta !! my wish came true ; koibito hoshii.. XD you're my haruno sakura , ne ? n_n i won't sleep tonight !! XD"

"uhhmm.. -blushes- i love you so much.. n_n oyasumi !!"

"don't worry . at the end of this month , i'll try to get back , okay ? sleep tight ! n.n (it's like , quarter to 1 am by this text)"

"i love you too.. so much , that's why you have to sleep now . prioritize studies first . i'm just here for inspiration . n_n sa.. go to bed now.."

"what if the load runs out ? besides , dad is already shoving me to sleep.. =.= you should go and sleep too ? desho ? n_n oyasumi !! love you !"

"-nods- sure , i won't be forgetting you . i love you and i'll miss you too.."

"just think that we're been challenged , on how long we'll hold on while we're apart . just think , yuki and i had the same situation , yet we lasted long.. ne ?(i really don't care about Yuki , i hate Yuki Eiris)"

"thanks ! i'll be back.. okay ? love you so much ." (it actually feels good hearing him say that famous line over and over , no really , i'm serious . )

the texts next day (and yes , some were even texts i recieved during class , haha , i'm so bad) :

(i texted him my last message last night.. it was : since when did you like me..?) "oh , i've gone sleeping , leaving your question unanswered . since when ? since i said i liked you , but kept on denying it so i rather hold on to yuki and other girls to forget the feeling . anyway , we'll be going soon . kowakunai . kimi wa itsumo shinzo no naka ni iru . wo ai ni !! n_n" (wow , he studied simple chinese for me.. n.n ...)

texts from Cheska (Shuu's cousin) :

"on d way n pu kmi ngaun s airprt . ala n kc lod cel q . 1 pm ang flight . tsaka n2log d2 s sskyan c niisan"

back to Shuu's texts :

"before we check-in , i want to say thanks.. don't ask why anymore. studies first , okay ? be good . don't cry anymore okay ? i love you , so much . take care ! n_n"

back to Cheska's texts :

"ate , im sure mhal k ni kuya . may ex sya d2 smin , fwnd q pa . cnbhan ng iluv u c kuya , wlng reaction tpos ng i luv u rn sya . prng plastikan lang , pro ngaun , ang gnda ng smile nya !" (shux , this one almost made me cry in school..)

"pro.. ate , kng dmating ung arw n sbhin nyang ayaw n nya , wg k mgglit . wg nyo sbhing cnabi ko 2 ah ? 22o lng , s april may fiancee n sya . kaw cguro lst gf nya.." (shit..)

Ok , this fiancee thing.. the girl's name is Shizume . and she is older than Shuu by two years . apparently , they were just waiting for Shuu to turn 18 to be able to engage them formally.. so.. wether i like it or not.. i have to let go of him.. i can't beat the fiancee.. and besides.. i'm not from japan , i don't even have japanese blood.. and were are in a long-distance relationship.. -sigh- i think i should break up with him.. even if i don't want to.. they are being engaged for buisness purposes.. the family of the girl is a family friend of Shuu.. i just don't know if he likes the girl or not.. i just wish for him the best and.. and.. i dunno.. i feel like shit and look like shit right now..

I WANT SHUU BACK . . . . . SHUU , PLEASE GO ONLINE . . . . .

but in the end , Shuu was against it all along.. he's so sweet.. he said that he would do anything to be with the person special to him.. glad i found someone like him.. n.n ...i feel so lucky..

"tsurai omoi ga samete munefusagu iwa ni natta no da yo to" (The heartbreaking feelings subside as the thing that fills up my heart became a stone..)